Random Food for Thought

       Up to this point in my 17 years I've been told that doing the right thing will get you where you want. By not going out will get you somehow get you ahead, makes you a bigger even better person, as this concept is being shoved down my throat I, at my young age, can't help but wish that I wasn't so conformed to this ideal. You wonder what you're missing in the midst of your movie marathon meanwhile your peers are 'living it up', maybe not doing the best of all things, but maybe they're out on a late night Perkin's run without you, but by no means have they been grounded to such outdated logic. I sit and wonder all the things I miss, things I don't get to be exposed to, I've realized that while getting ahead seems easier, I'm not just missing some high school party or a hang out with friends. What I'm missing is exposure to laughter, and carelessness of reckless teens who learn their lesson the next morning or in twenty minutes as they lye on the bathroom floor throwing up for what seems like hours, I'm missing out on stories and memories. I often wonder what I'm missing, wishing that I could be able to make plans, or ask to join, but then I realize ima coward and cannot so lul. You miss socializing, you miss an opportunity to put yourself out there and meet new people, and love, you miss a chance to love and to learn what it is because it's different for everyone. Who says I don't know what it is because I'm only in high school and it's not going to matter, well you don't get to decide that I do, because I don't want to sit on the sides, I want to experience life, and learn new things, I want to love carelessly with new friends and old,& most importantly I want to be a person who makes their own decisions. I don't want to be someone who gets walked on by other people, and not that you have to party or drink/do drugs to have a back bone, I just want to be able to put myself out there without regretting it. I wish understanding yourself was easier, but it's not, but if the way I see it, if I know now what my weakness is, then there is only room to grow.