Schoolio

I am ready to be done with school so hard.

Good Sister Interview

I wrote an interview based on the book I recently read, The Good Sister.

Megan: “Hello girls, how are you this evening?”

 

Rachel and Asha: “We’re good, thanks!”

 

Megan: “First I would just like to say sorry for your loss, this must be so difficult for both of you. I’ll start with Asha. Being the youngest and the closest to Sarah, how did this affect you?”

 

Asha: “At first it was like I was numb, I couldn’t feel anything. Which was weird because you usually associate death with grieving and pain, but in all honesty I didn’t believe she was actually gone. I kept telling myself that there is no way she could be dead.”

 

Megan: “And Rachel how about you, how did Sarah’s passing affect you?”

 

Rachel: “Being the least connected to Sarah was difficult because at first I don’t think my mind completely understood that she was gone. Sitting at her funeral was difficult, but if anything I felt more guilt than I felt grief.”

 

Megan: “This must be so tough for both of you, but if you could have said I thing to Sarah before she died, what would you say?”

 

Asha: “If I could have said one thing to Sarah, it would have been thank you. I would have said thank you, because she showed me how to be positive through the toughest things in life, and no matter what, you have to keep moving on.”

 

Rachel: “I suppose you’re looking for a sappy answer like Asha gave, but I don’t have one. If I could say one thing to Sarah it would be the complete opposite of what I had interrogated her about right before she died.”

 

Megan: “Rachel, it seems as though you know something more of the “accident” that occurred on this day, do you care to elaborate?”

 

Rachel: “I know that what happened wasn’t an accident, and it wasn’t a murder, she jumped. Sarah took her own life that day, and jumped. I also know the reason she killed herself wasn’t because she was depressed, or had cancer again, but she died because the guilt she felt was eating her alive.”

 

Megan: “What did she feel so guilty about that she felt the only way to relieve that guilt was to take her life?”

 

Rachel: “When I was with David, Sarah’s boyfriend at the time, he had told me that he and Sarah were responsible for a hit and run accident that had killed young boy. With this information, I finally saw my chance to confront Sarah, who was no longer so perfect, and chastise her about the car accident.”

 

Megan: “Why did you want to interrogate her about it?”

 

Rachel: “Ever since we were little I have always been the middle child, the girl with a pretty face, I could never donate bone marrow and save the day like Asha, and I wasn’t the Sarah the sickly child. I was always stuck in the middle, and I saw my chance to get ahead.”

 

Megan: “Asha, did you know about this?”

 

Asha: “I didn’t know why Rachel felt the need to ask about the accident, but I did know about the truth behind the accident.”

 

Megan: “What was your first reaction when you found out?”

 

Asha: “When I found the box in Sarah’s closet, I was stunned. I could not figure out why Sarah, my perfect older sister, would have a shirt with what seemed to be dried blood on it, and newspaper clippings from a random boy’s obituary. Nothing seemed to make sense.”

 

Megan: “Did your feelings toward Sarah change?”

 

Asha: “No, because she was still my sister, it was more or less just a lot of confusion. I guess I just couldn’t picture her doing such a thing. She was the good one, the one who through all of the chemo and hell that came with having cancer twice, would never in a million years would have been responsible for the murder of Brandon. The boy who left college to live a little, far away from his home, and just in an instant, it was gone.”

 

Megan: “Do either of you wish you could say something to Brandon? “

 

Rachel: “No, because nothing I could ever say to him would change what happened.”

 

Asha: “I don’t know if I wish I could say something to him, but I think I’d want to know if he knows Sarah.”

 

Megan: “Do you think he would know Sarah, Rachel?”

 

Rachel: “I mean maybe, but if I were him I’d be so mad. He probably wanted her to die.”

 

Megan: “Where do you girls think that Sarah is? Do you think that she is in Heaven, or that her spirit is back with the universe?”

 

Rachel: “I suppose a few months ago I would’ve said that she was with the universe, but now I guess I don’t really know where I think she is. Most days I don’t even know where I am.”

 

Asha: “I think that with all the recent changes, I’ve had a change of heart. I want to believe that she is in heaven flying with all of the other beautiful angels. I can just imagine her with her long white-blonde hair, and big wings swaying in the wind.”

 

Megan: “Okay girls, I have one final question for you this evening. Would you ever take Sarah’s place, why or why not? It’s okay to say no.”

 

Rachel: “Some days I wish Sarah and I’s roles were reversed, which is probably why I attempted suicide. I guess that I figured that I’d be the first one to go because I wasn’t the sick one whom everyone fell over, and I wasn’t Asha, the youngest one who saved the day. I guess my final answer would be no, but not because I’m being selfish, but because I think that I’ve finally started learning how to be loving and caring. In a way I think that a part of Sarah lives in me, because as soon as she passed I started to care more, and changed for the better.”

 

Asha: “Yes and no. Yes because I wish that Rachel would have been able to have the bond with Sarah that I did, but no because I know that Sarah wouldn’t have wanted it to be any other way. I think that Sarah, although she is dead, watches what goes on with Rachel and I, and I believe that she loves watching our family come together again. Sarah is where she belongs, she is no longer sick, and is guilt free, but she is still with us, and always will be.”

Believe

Something important I believe is that everything happens for a reason. I believe this because on December 25, 2013, this year’s past Christmas, my mother suffered from a stroke.  As is seems, it was quite a devastating day, but it was also a day that I will treasure for as long as I live. I think that Jessica, my sister, and I were especially fortunate of this timing.

            My sister Kelly was about to leave at about 2:30, but she was refusing to help load the car, to go to her boyfriend’s families events for the day, and my sister Taylor had already left with her boyfriend to do the same. As Angus loaded the car, the same time my mom and Kelly had been saying goodbye, and talking, my mom noticed she was experiencing some unusual numbness on the right side of her body. Kelly had my mom sit down and just was trying to help her, ask her what she did, how she felt, etc. A few minutes later, my mom started to slur her speech, and immediately Kelly recognized stroke symptoms. Just like a circus train Jess and Kelly helped my mom into the car as I gathered a few things inside, and off we went to the hospital.

            As my mom was being rushed in, only one of us was allowed to be back there with her until a little while later. As I waited in the E.R. waiting room, Taylor and Kelly came back, we sat down and prayed. About 20 minutes later, Jessica came out and said that we could come back now. We all sat down with my mom in relief that she was going to be okay, but at the same time realized what had just happened. After a few moments of silence, Taylor tries to lighten the mood with, “Well, Merry Christmas guys!” She got a little chuckle, because after all, we were all going to be okay. A few more doctors dame in and talked to us and my mom of course, but then my mom said something that really hit home. She took one long deep breath and said, “Yah know, if Meg and Jess would’ve been the only ones home, I would have gone in and laid on the couch, and I would’ve died.”

            Forever will not be enough time to thank god that my sister Kelly was there to talk to my mom,  to take note of the symptoms, to take her to the hospital, and to save her. I believe that the tragedy that occurred on December 25, was not in fact a tragedy, but a blessing, and the greatest gift that anyone could ask for on Christmas, their mother’s life.

Jade

Jade is currently sitting with me, how nice.

Ariel

Here's a picture of me just swimming through the water.

Misconceptions of Mental Illness

Chandler Gouchee and Brielle Thompson; kids taken too soon by their own choice, or was it? These children amongst others have suffered from depression and other mental illness', doing their best to lock down any and all emotions until they broke. Teens and early twenties, usually between the ages of 14-24 are most vulnerable to develop these illness' (Murphey) so ignorantly called an epidemic in today's society, because now more than ever people are coming out to seek help, and not hiding in the closet. These people are coming out to face their demons in hopes of ridding the world of these hauntingly horrid disorders. Now more than ever we need to stop stereotyping those affected, and instead educate ourselves on the harsh realities of these illness'. 
Nearly twenty percent of all adolescents have a diagnosable mental disorder according to the 2013 Adolescent Health Highlight study by Child Trends, the nations leading non-profit organization for childhood/teen health trends, researching and analyzing to better inform practitioners and policymakers (Murphey). Being apart of this statistic is more common than most people would like to believe, and quite prevalent in the Kennedy halls. Facing the recent loss was tough to say the least, whether you knew her or not, we all felt something. She walked down these ghastly halls just like you and I. With middle school and high school being the holy grail of bullying and degrading, a thunder dome of self-shaming and peer pressure, we are the
ones who don’t get talked to, or for that matter even feel comfortable speaking on the subject. The thought of those kids who are gone or feeling absolutely helpless puts a pit in my stomach knowing that they felt they had no other choice, and no one to talk to or even talk about this with is absolutely a fault in our system, and something that needs to be addressed. As a consequence of being bullied, many of these victims suffer from depression, generalized anxiety, or some other variation of a mental illness. With this in mind, I pose the question, why are we as a school, as a district, and most importantly as human beings, who are living with and amongst these people not lifting each other up? We should be fighting this together, and educating ourselves, as opposed to shoving aside what Chandler, Brielle, and many others, like myself, feel everyday.
I think a major fault in our system as a whole is the lack of fundamental knowledge of mental illness, and knowing that it isn't something you get to believe exists or not. You would think that informing the age group most subjective to such epidemics would be given the respect of a working knowledge, and understanding of these ever prevalent and grueling thoughts. A common misconception of the kinds of people that suffer from these illness's are the ones with bad home situations, kids who wear all black, or lack of parental guidance; when in reality I have three, two parented, loving home, beautiful friends who struggle every day with such mocking thoughts, because this sickness does not discriminate. The difference between you and them? Nothing. They are involved in school activities, jobs, have social lives, boyfriends, all while maintaining above average GPA's; but they just need a little extra help to get them through the day. The people that suffer from this aren't lost causes, don't need to go to a 'loony bin', and most definitely are not damaged. The only thing that separates you from them is you, and you are the ones that we need most to help carry us through our darkest hours.
 Someone I know once had the audacity to say, "mental illness does not exist," and that "its just in your head," I had nothing to respond but silence to this profoundly illiterate statement. I found that Sabrina Benaim, a slam poet wrote, "Explaining My Depression to My Mother", a piece that described not only how she struggles with depression, but many other mental illness's describing them to a T, and how her mother reacts is somewhat similar to all people who doubt the capabilities of this illness. 
“…my depression is a shape shifter.
 One day it is as small as a firefly in the palm of a bear,
 The next, it’s the bear…
…Anxiety holds me a hostage inside of my house, inside of my head….
…each night insomnia sweeps me up in his arms dips me in
 the kitchen in the small glow of the stove-light.
 Insomnia has this romantic way of making the moon feel like perfect company,"
all quotes from Benaim, perfectly capturing the daunting realities of mental illness. A friend showed me this to hopefully help me understand in better words how I felt, because that’s the thing with mental illness, is you can't describe it, it consumes each victim differently, coming and going whenever it pleases. 
Sabrina Benaim said, "...my depression is a shapeshifter..", implying that although this illness is physically there everyday, it doesn’t mentally affect her the same way or at the same time day after day; this is true for most people. For me these feelings come and go, having bad days and then worse ones to the point where my thoughts suffocate me, and greeting my bed
feels like meeting an old friend. On the good days I forget I suffer from such things, and am not myself per say, but I get a little closer to normalcy on those days. Friends tell me that they would look at a clock and not be able to escape the thought of a greater code that needs cracked, or the one who can't get through the day without creating waterfalls of tears simply because she feels alone. Alone is a common feeling, a constant feeling even, but this is not just walking through the hallways alone. This kind of alone is the one that is only found at night whilst insomnia greets you, and you can't see through the darkness to your hand in front of you; alone. All these feelings come and go day in and day out, but I know if we all had a better understanding on what we're up against, we might not feel so alone. 
Although somedays consumed by the fuzz of a T.V. with no cable, or the eerie comfort of a dark room, mental illness does not define me or any other victim. With more kids than ever coming out of this darkness and seeking help, because the road that seemed to never end, seems to be getting shorter. Even though the 'Kindness Assembly' hasn’t really changed the ways of the kids or even teachers for that matter, it gives me an inkling of hope that maybe these issues aren't going to be looked over for much longer, and there is a brighter future for those struggling. If we can understand what people are dealing with, so we can be better equipped to help, this epidemic can be conquered, and never again will we need to mourn for the loss of one so young.

Now

Well, I am basically to my word count for the week, and so I am here to give YOU a play by play of my life right now!!!!
I just ate a yogurt and I didn't like it because it was my mom's kind. I have two soccer practices after school today and I am most definitely not excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also I'm currently debating whether or not to eat my sandwich or to wait until lunch, I'm at that point where I could eat something, but I could wait too.

The North Wing

Many extracurricular activities in high school are overlooked. We get huge crowds at football games because everyone goes. Football games have become more of a social event for some people rather than actually watching the game, but hey that's high school. This is the same for basketball and volleyball games as well.

Activities such as dance team, golf, and cross country are far less popular meets/competitions to go to. These events usually get a few students to come to them, but it is usually parents and siblings that are there to watch.

Other than sports, the music department here at Kennedy is far underappreciated! We have amazing instrument players and singers and actors that few students here realize. The students that are involved in these coral or musical activities and groups work so hard at what they do so they can continue to improve. Most of them have a band/orchestra class every day, the choir and show choir kids all have a choir class every day, and some even have a select choir such as chamber or moonlight. There are also after school practices for these students as well, they spend hours a day rehearsing and preparing for their next show.

Our band doesn’t just play at football games, they also go to competitions throughout the fall. We have a spectacular band, who received first place at two competitions this year I believe, and we have an amazing drum line. Most of these kids have been playing these instruments since probably at least middle school. They practice daily and learn new music all the time, and most are involved in jazz band or the combo for show choir as well!

Our show choir starts learning their show the summer before the next school year starts, they work for a good six months before their show is complete and ready to compete. Competitions start in January and go for about two months, with a competition about every two or three weeks. Happiness is the top show choir here at Kennedy and they  recently went to Nationals in Tennessee and received sixth in the nation, a pretty big honor. We also host our own competition right here at Kennedy every February, called Raise the Roof.

The drama department also puts on their own shows a few times a year. Students try out for roles of the plays and they work very hard after school to rehearse their lines and create the sets and make it perfect before they have their show, this years show is The Pajama Game. Each student has to memorize all of their lines and remember what they are supposed to be doing when they say something. Our plays are always great, and needless to say we have very talented actors at our school!

Bullying

Chandler and Brielle; kids taken too soon by their own choice, or was it? Not only in recent weeks has the CRCSD experienced loss, but in years past as well. In light of these recurring events, I pose the question of ‘why are we as students and staff of one of the largest districts in the state not stepping in and taking the lead?’

              One of the more frustrating aspects of such loss is the piece that I believe adults and teachers push aside most often, is being able to openly have a discussion and say what you’re thinking because as cliché as it sounds, no one was prepared for this. I think that teachers and adults should be able to tell us what’s happening honestly without the fluff of worrying about what irrelevant high schoolers will then gossip about in between classes. Action needs to be taken and if the so called leaders of the school and school district can’t how are the tiny people like me supposed to make an impact alone.

              Some advice that I think everyone should have is be sad, and grieve because even though you didn’t know Chandler, or Brielle, or Payton for that matter, everyone has a right to be feel something towards these kids. Another thing that I think adults should be aware of is that kids talk, and really know what’s going on via social media, the tall kids walking in front of you, and the gossip girls by the water fountain, with that said, sugar coating what is actually happening is part of the problem. The reason I believe that we have a right to know and understand is because whether or not you knew them, they were you; inform us when it affects us.  Those kids had their entire lives ahead of them, they were young and full of life and now they’re gone, but teachers think it’s best to keep everything on the ‘D.L’ and that has YET to resolve this epidemic. If students like Brielle and Chandler had a chance to be talked to about what they were feeling and felt like they had some confidence in their teachers or peers maybe they’d still be here. As much as parents and teachers feel it’s their responsibility to shield us from tragedy, it’s also their responsibility then to explain to us what it is, and let us know it’s okay to feel like that but everyone needs someone to talk to, and if you can’t talk to a teacher or an adult in your life, you as adults cannot expect change.

              If you want something changed I’ve learned you have to go and do it yourself, and if you want something said and done about this “touchy subject” start talking. In elementary school I remember being talked to about bullying and how it was wrong, I even remember having class discussions about it, but as I’ve grown older these talks have become non-existent. Now why would these talks end when in reality those problems were only the beginning? Middle school the holy grail of bullying and degrading, high school is a thunder dome of self-shaming, and peer pressure, but yet we don’t get talked to , or for that matter even feel comfortable speaking on the subject. The thought of those kids who are gone feeling absolutely helpless puts a pit in my stomach knowing that they felt they had no other choice, and no one to talk to or even talk about this with is absolutely a fault in our system.

Seniors

Dear Seniors, 

Congratulations. 

You're almost there, almost ready to embark on your last big adventure, but this time you're doing it alone. And as you pack your bags, I ask you to keep in mind a few things. 

Take in where you are right now. Don't be in such a hurry to grow up, as great as it sounds to be away from your parents, and freedom, actual freedom not just I'm eighteen but live at home freedom, remember all the things you never get to do again. Think of all those stupid practices, long nights at show choir, basketball, football, soccer, and speech practice. As much as you hated conditioning, or your teammate that would never be up to par, or not finishing until 10 when practice got over at 9:30, think about what you're leaving behind, and how much of an impact you had. That teammate, he looked up to you, the conditioning made you stronger physically sure, but it also taught you self control, and to endure, and those late practices spent on stage with 50 other people who will miss you more than you know when you're gone. 

Enjoy where you're going, but don't forget who was with you before you arrived. To the seniors, I hope you all succeed, and become everything you'd hoped. Enjoy the road, the people, the scenery, and every once in a while look back and see where you came from, and how far you've come. Stay humble, and don't forget us.

Breathing

Going along with my most recent blog, "The Angst", I found that the song "Keep Breathing", sang by my favorite people, has helped me release tension. This song tells you that although you may not know what to do, or have the world against you, all you need to do is keep breathing. I think sometimes I especially forget to just breathe, and remember that I am still breathing, and how many other people want you to be here just as much as you want to keep breathing.

The storm is coming but I don't mind
People are dying, I close my blinds

All that I know is I'm breathing now

I want to change the world
Instead I sleep
I want to believe in more than you and me

But all that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now

All that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing 

All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now

Source for the song:------> http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ingridmichaelson/keepbreathing.html

The storm that they talk about is your demon, or in my case anxiety, and you don't know what's going to happen, but you do know and have the power to keep breathing.

The Angst

Angst.
This is something I'm learning to cope with as I was recently diagnosed with an anxiety disorder by my therapist. Something that I have discovered is that by being aware that I have this it makes you assess situations not only as stressful, calm, happy, or sad, but now I have to be thinking of how I am reacting and coping with this. I think I now understand my reaction, but can't help but wonder all the things that lead up to my diagnosis. I think about all the ways that I used to ignore the way I felt or thought because I didn't think it was anything but high school stress or pressure. What continues to baffle me as I grow with this, is the smallest thing can trigger it, and then it's like a vacuum sucking you in and once it's has you in its grips it's like you can't get out.
Having to try and figure out how I cope, or even if I cope is mind boggling, frustrating, and time consuming. With that said I've always turned to music to help explain what I can't say in words, and at show choir nationals a group sang a song called the "The Sound of Silence", a piece originally by Simon & Garfunkel. This song I thought explained how I felt, more or less. Talking about darkness being your old friend someone that's been there for a while and now it's back but you are the only one who knows because you are the only one who can hear, or think about it. What I interpret it saying is that going through something like this is something to not be spoken of, 'no one dared to disturb'. I never knew or thought, I of all people would be struggling with a mental health disorder, nor did any of my loved ones, coming as a surprise to everyone. Putting up a front seems to be a temporary solution to a permanent problem, as there is no real cure to these horrendous diseases. As much as this song describes my feelings to me, and  has aided in my coping skills it also is a relief. If I feel that when I listen to it, I'm letting some of it go, that it will go away since it's being put into words.

The Sound of Silence

Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'Neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.

"Fools," said I, "You do not know.
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you.
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence."

"And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence."
This line specifically stuck out because I feel like this vision that it talks about represents to me my anxiety that sticks in my head, and I feel like it consumes me more days than not anymore.

Although I struggle with this more than I'd like to admit, I am proud to say I need help and I want to learn to deal with a mental illness and inspire others to learn how to deal with anxiety or anything else they're dealing with. Music has helped me release some of the tension that builds up, and causes a fluster of emotions that lead to anxiety attacks.

Because really all we can do is keep breathing.


Source for the song lyrics:----> http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/simongarfunkel/thesoundofsilence.html

Sons of Anarchy

                 So, another great series on Netflix is called Sons of Anarchy, which is about a biker gang who is seriously some of the coolest people and they are totally bad ass. I don't want to ruin anything for you but to just really encourage anyone, boy or girl, to check it out. The cast is absolutely amazing, not really any big stars you would know but there are some pretty people in it which is always good. ;)

                 My neighbor started watching it and although I haven't seen all the episodes like he has, I LOVE the show. It kind of scares me at times because there are some very graphic things in it like, murder, rape, fights, and that sort of thing but it is oh so good. I know for a fact just about any guy who enjoy it because it is a total guy flick but I find myself pretty normal among the girl population and I enjoy it so I believe many other girls will too.

               Personally my favorite character is Jackson who goes by Jacks and well, he is a very sexy man. A totally bad ass and he is also funny. He loves his soon to be wife and two sons so much it is the cutest damn thing in the world. He protects his mom, who is also a friggin' bad ass, like she is his little sister. Jacks is the absolutely perfect man and I secretly wish that Jake, my boyfriend, grows up to not only act like him but to, walk, talk, sing, dance, and look like him too.

               Here is a picture of this stunning man.........

              Is he not the most perfect thing you have ever seen in your entire life? He isn't that typical pretty boy you see all the time but a rough looking man who just looks so sweet and dangerous and totally perfect I can't even take it!! All of this is found in one spot, and that would be called Netflix. So, Sons of Anarchy is probably my number one recommendation for a show on Netflix!!!! :):):)

Sharing Netflix

So, if you do not have Netflix but you know some of your friends or other family members do, well then you could kindly ask them to share with you and it will not coast you one thing! You can just get the app, which is free, and then use their username and password and BAM! You have free shows and movies!

There is a downfall to it though, you can only have it on four devices I believe, otherwise it will not work which is a bummer. Another bad thing is if one device is using it, all the others cannot at the same time. This especially sucks when you the owner of the account cannot watch due to your generosity of giving out your account info.

Something great about sharing Netflix that I’ve found is that if you and your friend want to watch the same show, but obviously don’t live with each other or have time to watch it while hanging out, you can watch an episode or two and see when they’ve watched it, and which episodes they have watched. As dumb as it may sounds Netflix is honestly, hands down one of the best things to have ever stumbled upon. We have been together for quite sometime now and I can say that I have never trusted someone more than I trust good ol’ Netty.

I’d like to take a moment of silence for those movies and shows that will be removed in April, thank you.

Tanning

Indoor tanning is at its peak today in the 21st century due to the over excessive need to be tan, but does that make it wrong?

I am a big believer in tanning beds, yes they have health risk but almost everything you are exposed to on a daily basis has risks and it doesn't make them wrong. The reason I wanted to bring this particular topic up was because of the posters all over the walls at my high school. It is telling people to take a pledge NOT to tan like it is the worst thing you can do. I want everyone to know that my mother went tanning all the time as a kid and got burned constantly due to being a life guard and she has never had any form of skin cancer.

Yes, I know the risks of tanning but I think there are more benefits; a nice tan, look thinner, clearer skin, and feel better about yourself. If you happen to get the god awful skin cancer, you need to know that most every form of it is curable! My good friend Morgan, her mom had a cancerous spot due to tanning and she never got "sick" but she went through a little less than a month of treatment and she was fine. So many people make it seem like it is the end of the world and I have been tanning sense before high school and I am now a junior about to be a senior and nothing is wrong with me. They are all quick to judge those who decide to tan and it is not their place. Those posters up can be offensive because I portrays the message "if you tan you are doing something wrong" and that indeed is not the case.

I guess what I am trying to get across is that tanning is not all bad like people think it is and the fact it is being said all around my school just pisses me off for some reason, and just in case you are wondering, yes I have been tearing them down if I see them. Does that make me just the same as them? Well, they still have a bunch up so why not just lessen their advertisement sense the other side has no terms of defense other than this blog which no one will see.
Tanning is good. Tanning makes you feel good. Tanning makes you look good. GO TANNING

Don't Worry Be Happy

The number of smiles Disney has brought to people’s faces and the number of people they have brought them too is an uncountable number! Everything about Disney is just a big world of happiness and laughter and that is one reason why I love it so much. It has you forgetting all the bad things in your life and makes you happy for that slight time you are around it. I fell as though if there was more Disney in everyone’s life that our world would be just that little bit happier! Imagine if everyone has a few less bad days that could change a kids thoughts of suicide or a possible argument between mother and daughter. Little things can have a drastic effect on people in ways you would never imagine.

   Smiles are free anyway, so why not do something that makes you smile? Disney may not be your first thought but I strongly believe everyone should try it at some point in your life to try and cheer you up. You do not even have to be sad, maybe you just feel like smiling about something good, and Disney could most definitely be that thing for you! Everyone loves to smile, and if you don’t well then I think you have some deeper lying issues that I think you would most likely want to seek professionally help on, but say you can’t afford something like that, your next solution could very well be a Disney movie or maybe even a Disney song. For me I enjoy listening to the songs from just about every movie, not that I don’t enjoy the movies because I love them so much but I love music so much more and it really makes me forget about everything, especially when I have my headphones in and that is all I hear.

               Do yourself a favor and let yourself smile today with a good Disney movie or song, and then go tell someone you think needs to smile a little more about it as well. You could make their day and it could very likely have a ripple effect and influence people to do the same thing in the end making this a much better place to live because of all the smiles being spread around! Disney brings happiness to people and if they ever did anything other than that, then it was in no way their intent. Happiness and smiles is what they want I am sure so just give them another shot. Get and give a smile everyday with Disney.

Lost

Lost

I don't know what I feel&I don't know what I did. I feel out of control. I don't know what to do or say because everything I say she tells me is wrong. 

I think sometimes about just being done but can't bring myself to that point. But she sometimes makes me think that's where I should be if I'm so bad. Not just her but she's the most vocal about it. I wish I knew how to feel but I don't, I wish I knew the right things to say or wear, but I don't. 

"You are rude, you have bad grades" is all I hear but never any praise, she wonders why I'm like this, but she fails to realize I am the product of her. Never being raised by him to my recollection leaves all of what I am on her. He didn't shape who I was he made me who I wasn't, and won't be. I can't understand what I'm saying and why it's wrong but apparently it is. 

I'm lost, and for the first time I don't think anyone's there to help me out, and for the first time I don't know how. I have no idea where I'm going or what's next for me but I don't know how to feel in control when I'm constantly being told I'm doing wrong things. 

Time after time of being told you don't work hard, you don't manage your time well, you need to go in and get help, or my favorite is you're rude all the time and are NEVER nice to me. You start to believe what's put in your head, and wonder if that's how everyone sees me. 

I can't even look at my reflection and think nice things so how should anyone else?

Staying Grounded: Disney Style

       I think that for too often people become too much of what they say they will never be, or of their hobbies and lifestyle, instead of staying connected to things that ground you and make you, you. For me, Disney has always been apart of my life, these movies, shows and concepts that Disney is revolved around have in some ways shaped who I am today. Although some of Disney's ideals are outdated, and unrealistic, I've learned to take away the good from these messages and learn from the bad.
       A common theme throughout the majority of Disney movies occurs when the main character becomes confident, or cocky, and starts to show off, and distance him/her/itself from their roots, or their backstory. An example would be like Troy Bolton in High School Musical 2, when he starts to get recruited from a basketball group, and gets a great promotion in his summer job, he starts to blow off his friends, forgets about dates with his girlfriend, and overall becomes an arrogant jerk leaving him single and friendless.
       To me this is a very important lesson to learn in life because you need to stay humble and remember where you came from to make the journey life takes you on more extraordinary. If you get handed everything in life without having to work for it, you don't appreciate things, you know no value because you've never had to earn anything. Disney has an approachable way of coming back to reality and remembering what's important in life.
       So many days even I get to stressed about my job, or show choir, and school, and I forget that life really isn't about this. I have to remind myself that I am doing a good job, or maybe I need to be a little kinder, and just take a minute to look at how I've grown as a person, and be proud yet humble. After all, growing up is a humbling experience, and I think that whatever path you may choose, we all tend to get a little sucked into whatever is consuming your life, and when this happens, just remember where you came from along with how far you've come. Remember the little fish that said, "...just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming ,swimming, swimming...", although she couldn't decipher between "Fabio and Nemo", she could always remember who she was; she knew her TRUE self.
   

Country Music

Honestly, I know what country song I want to listen to whatever mood I happen to be in at that time. They seriously have the most perfect song for any mood, and I do not think that all genres of music have that. Like, you are not going to find a sweet love song when it comes to rap music, and I am not hating on rap, because I occasionally enjoy that, but for the most part it is true.

Country music puts me in the best mood whenever I turn it on, well, unless it is new Taylor Swift then I just can't listen. Tim McGraw or FGL has got to be my favorite though because they just have the best sound and they really do not have a song I don't like. That is another thing about country music, in my opinion, nothing sounds the same and every song has an underlying meaning which is amazing to me. Most of the singers write a lot of their own songs too which can be a very hard thing to do.

I grew up with country so I guess you could say I am bias toward it all but I think most kids try to rebel against anything their parents do so the fact that it is still all I listen to I would say says something. Country is such a growing genre of music, like so many of my friends that used to be totally against it actually love it now. And their concerts are by far the best to go to! I have been to 7 country concerts and I have had the best time at all of them! Unlike many pop and rap singers they actually sound the same live as they do on the radio and I can say that from personal experience. My very first concert was the Black Eyed Peas and although their show was entertaining and really good, they did not sound like they do on the radio or on their Cd's. I am not taking their talent away from them but it is the truth.

Do yourself a favor and just try country out for like a week and I think that everyone could really enjoy it, even if you still like whatever genre you like better, at least you will have a second option.

Life as a Player

I have been playing soccer sense I was little and I have just grown up loving the game. I have been a high school soccer player for two years now, and am on my third. I play for Kennedy High School and I would not have it any other way.

My experience at Kennedy playing soccer has made some of the best memories of my life. I have been blessed with an incredibly talented team for the past two years. The most special to me so far is my Freshman year because we got a new coach. The thing that made it special to me is the fact that I started every single game and played pretty much all of them from beginning to end. Being able to be a part of it is one thing, but knowing that you were a contributing factor makes it that much more amazing.

I wish everyone had something that special that they would carry with them forever because even with that being two years ago, the thrill is still there and I do not see it wearing off any time soon. Soccer will always be one of those things to me that I will enjoy doing the rest of my life, no, I do not think I will become a professional soccer player, but I do think that I will get my kids involved in it and try to organize like a parents league or something because I do not think I will be able to ever really completely give it up until I really have to.

Switching gears a little bit here, we got a new coach freshman year mid-season. His name is Scott Meyers and I almost think it is a sign for college because he is the women's head soccer coach at Coe College and I have always wanted to look there for some reason! It is close to home and I know that I would fit perfectly in their soccer program. Being able to go there would allow me to be with a coach I already know and the opportunity to apply my soccer ability to the next level. I will forever be grateful that God gave me the talent to play soccer because I really have no idea where I would be without it.

Soccer has brought me so many new opportunities with travel and meeting my two best friends. Sage and Jordan have been on my CRSA club soccer team sense we were nine years old, and that is very special to me. Soccer has changed my life. I do not want to leave this thinking I am obsessive with this sport but it is an important thing in my life and I wanted people to know that.

The Glory of Sleep

For the people who have sleeping disorders or have trouble sleeping at all, I have so much compassion for you and I pray to God that it goes away, because sleep is the ultimate healing power for everything.

Whenever I am having a bad day, sleep seriously fixes it because just for a little bit, I am able to forget about what was upsetting me that day and I wake up not even thinking about it! One of the best feelings I ever have is waking up feeling refreshed, which during the school year doesn't really happen that often, but on the occasional "I am sick" line that I feed my mom, I am able to catch up and just feel awesome the entire day.

Why I decided to write about sleep is a really good question, but I do think I have a simple answer for it; everyone does it, I love it, so why not write about it? I get it seems a little random and maybe even a little scatter brained but still, it is one of God's greatest gifts. I am really thankful to not be a vampire.

I am one of those people who is really grouchy when I do not get all my sleep, but  I never have trouble sleeping, it is just the length I am aloud to sleep is what kills me. I am pretty sure my body needs like 13 hours of sleep each night for me to feel really refreshed and not bitchy in the morning, but even when I don't, I sleep like a baby. It is sad to me that some people have a lot of trouble sleeping because I do not think I would be able to function, but it is even worse for the people who once they wake up, can't go back to sleep! I know there are many actual diseases people have for sleeping but if I were them, I would take a bottle of Melatonin every single night just so I could get my sleep.

So sleep to me is not a very broad topic to talk about, but I would just like to reiterate on the fact that people need their sleep, and if you are one of those people who at a sleepover is talking and screwing around when others are trying to sleep, well you should probably end that now before you run into me at an overnight thing. I will throw a bitch fit and you will no longer want to sleep because you will be to scared. so my point to all this is, enjoy your sleep and if you can't, well, I am truly sorry for that.

Marengo

I have now lived in Cedar Rapids for almost eight years after moving here in 4th grade from the little town of Marengo in Iowa County about 45 minutes away from here. I miss is a lot of times but I would not choose to move back for three reasons, I have made life time friends here and I truly believe that. Soccer has been a huge part of my life for so long and if I still lived in Marengo I would not have had the same chances there. Finally, parties here in Cedar Rapids are most of the time better and they happen more often so that is a good perk.

When I first moved, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do because it meant I was the new girl and I had to leave my friends I had grown up with. I have clearly grown a part from those friends but lately we really have been able to keep in touch more often. Marengo will always have a very special place in my heart because it was the very first place that I could call home.

Small towns have always had a sweet spot with me because everything is right there. You do not have to drive 15 minutes to go to your best friends house or be stuck in rush hour traffic. Being in a bigger city is still very overwhelming to me, like to the point that I get really bad road rage and feel very anxious when I am not very sure where I am on the road. In Marengo, I never had to worry about that kind of stuff.

I go back there every now and then when I can but sense it is kind of a ways it doesn't happen as often as I would like but whenever I do I always have a really great time! We always stay with these really good family friends of mine the Carneys. They have a son my age who I have always been really close with and knowing that we are always welcome there is the best feeling!

Sometimes I think about raising my kids there, but then I remember all the great things that came about in the bigger city. I obviously have a lot of time to think about it but Marengo will always be home and I do intend to have my kids be aware of it and want them to know that it may always be an option. I will always love Marengo.

Teachers

Teachers hold their students to a high standard that they expect everyone to meet. Some students may be held higher than others depending on the teacher’s feelings. So isn’t it only fair that students are allowed to do the same thing?

            I have an enormous amount of respect for teachers having to deal with certain kids because they have to do it all day every day, it is part of their job. I can barely handle a kid with ignorant remarks during one class a day. Although teachers do put up with a lot from their students, doesn’t give them any right to fall below the students, and sometimes the parents, standards of teaching.

            As a student, I feel as though I am most reliable when making this statement; Students enjoy school and learning so much more when the teacher enjoys teaching it. It becomes a problem when the students want to be there but the teacher acts like he or she doesn’t, and vice versa. It is amazing and I am very thankful for what teachers do because they do it with the pay they do not deserve.

            My expectations for teachers in High School are much higher than those in college for this reason; in High School you are preparing us for college, there for we need more attention given as well as patience. In college, most of them have three times the class sizes and much more students to worry about. My teachers now have been nothing but great to me, but I have had a few in the past that think we need to figure everything out on our own. If you are a teacher it is also a part of your job to explain when things do not make sense, not to get all lazy and tell us to figure it out.

            For the most part teachers live up to their expectations, but I want them to know that their students expect things out of you just like you expect things out of them. Lead by example and love what you do. Be kind to your students but tough when they need it. Make them feel as though you truly want the best out of them and lead them along the right path in life. That is what makes a great teacher and what I, myself, expect from you.

Everbody Makes Mistakes

So life is full of mistakes and God knows I have made plenty, but I really hope that people actually learn from those mistakes. I am not saying I am perfect, because I have made mistakes many times in high school and for the most part I continue to so that is one mistake I guess I haven't learned from because I have gotten in trouble from my mom but it really doesn't seem to stop me. I guess to me I do not think of it as a mistake because I am not hurting anyone, to me a mistake is like lying to your friend about something that happened, because obviously your intent isn't to hurt your friend, it is just something you did without thinking.

The thing about mistakes is that people need to learn to forgive them. I feel when you are the one of the short end of this mistake, you seem to be very defiant and not want to forgive, but when the roles are reversed, you seem to want to be forgiven. It is not fair, but that is how we work as people. I know for me it is very easy for me to forgive others, especially when they are good friends of mine because I know that I have made them and I know that I will make them again. A true friend will always forgive you, and if they don't they were not really your friend to begin with.

All of my true friends I know I would forgive because I know that whatever they did that was so wrong, it isn't them and there is always a reason as to why they did it. Some people who see that as an excuse I guess, but not in my eyes. I do not want to pressure people into thinking the way I do but I honestly believe that is the right way to do things. Forgiving is easy, so why not do it? If you are a perfect person and never make mistakes then you can no forgive people, but someday you will want someone to forgive you, but do not expect them to if you didn't forgive them.

Just like Miley Cyrus said: "Everybody Makes Mistakes"

Netflix Music

SO I recently just discovered that you are able to also listen to music on Netflix and kind of just add songs to make your own playlist or whatever, and the best part is, there is no extra charge!! you can just search songs and ass them on your list! Well, that is what I have been told anyway, I personally have never actually tried it but I have a hard time believing that someone would lie about a thing like that, that would just be mean and no one likes mean people.

When I figure out how to do this new awesome thing that just makes Netflix 10000000000 times better, I will surely let you know because I do not want all of my adoring fans to be let down. Yes, I know obviously I do not have any fans because my topics suck but I enjoy getting some of my thoughts out and well I really like typing freely.

So now that I have gone completely off topic, I think it should be time for me to do some research on this whole music thing for Netflix, I mean you never know, it could be the new iTunes for all we know. I think it could be even better because no one likes to spend more money if they do not have to so why buy all those same songs on iTunes when they come for free with Netflix? If you do not think this is a cool idea then you are honestly stupid, sorry but that is the truth.

I love music more than your average person so I am just going to go on a little speal about how much I love this idea! You can plug your device, whatever it may be, into your car if you have the right cord and I am getting that soon, and then I can listen to all my favorite songs whenever I want! There is honestly nothing in the world that makes me happier than being able to pick the songs I listen too, or at least be listening to songs, in whatever order that may be, that I love! I hate not knowing the words to songs and this also provides you with lyrics so that you can sing along and then eventually learn it! I know this is like way to excited than I should be but I can honestly think of nothing really bad about Netflix. All they are doing is keep getting better and better!

FOSTERS SOS

So the new TV show, The Fosters, that is on ABC Family is only on the second season and therefore only the first season is on Netflix and I have already seen it but sense I started watching it after the second season already started on actual TV I can't watch it until it goes back on Netflix!! I am having serious withdrawals because I loved it so much! It doesn't help seeing commercials about what is coming up in it either because that just makes me miss it even more than I already do!

I am sure many people who watch Netflix have this same issue. I know my neighbor, Jake, has it with his show Sons of Anarchy because they have the first 5 or 6 seasons on it but then the next one after is not on there yet so he always tells me how much he misses it and now I can totally see what he is talking about.

I think about The Fosters all the time! I do think that there is such thing as a TV addiction or an obsession I guess. I don't think I have this much I am pretty sure I am close to having it. Take One Tree Hill for instance, I watched that when it was actually on TV and I have seen it all the way through about 6 times and now I am on my 7th and I still LLLOOOVVVEEEE watching it. I think I will be that way with The Fosters as well. All I want in life right now is for the second season to be on Netflix so I can catch up because that is how amazing it is. Okay, it isn't all what I want in life but it would really help!!

BRING BACK THE FOSTERS!

One Tree Hill

               One Tree Hill is one of the most breathtaking and just amazing shows I have ever seen. This past year just about every girl on my grade was watching it non-stop on Netflix. It is an older show, well it came out in 2003, but I was watching it when it was on actual TV. No one had ever heard of it which I thought was weird, but clearly everyone loves it.

                This show has the prettiest people in it which is always a fun thing when watching anything on TV, but the acting in it is also great. You really get to see some of the people grow up and change. Everything about it keeps you intrigued and well, I think that everyone should just watch it themselves, you won’t regret it.

                A summary of the series is well, it is about a group of friends, well at first all of them aren’t friends but how they become friends and the journeys they get through together. Peyton Sawyer, Lucas Scott, Brooke Davis, Haley James, Skills, Mouth, Nathan Scott, Keith and Dan Scott, Karen, and Deb are the main characters. Yes, some people get added as they get older but these are the main ones.

                They start out in high school and once Lucas joins the basketball team, everything really just explodes from there. Nathan and Haley fall in love when they hated each other. Nathan and Lucas (brothers) finally agree on their father Dan Scott and become friends. There is a love triangle between Brooke Peyton and Lucas and just a whole bunch of other stuff.

                Dramatic things happen like Keith gets shot by a family member, Peyton gets stalked, Lucas almost dies in a car accident, and Deb and Dan get divorced. It just goes up from there. Later in the series they all graduate and move on with their lies but still remain great friends. You see them change and grow with each other in their home town, Tree Hill.

                Talking about it right now just gives me the chills. You will cry at some parts, be giddy at some parts, pissed, and happy. It is a mix of emotions but everything turns out great in the end. Seriously do yourself a favor and go watch One Tree Hill. You will probably never want to get out of your seat and you will most likely re-watch the series about ten times like I did and are still doing.

The Fosters

I am now onto a new show called The Fosters. It is about a new "family" coming together under one roof. The moms are lesbians with one having one biological son of her own whom lives with them along with the adopted 15 year old twins and the newest "members," Jude and Cali. The reason I hesitate to call them members of the family is because as of right now it is a temporary situation, and although they are starting to really feel like apart of the family, it may not be their family much longer.

Brandon, the biological son, has fallen for Cali but it is against the rules to be in a relationship with foster siblings, which causes a dilemma. Cali has not come out and said she feels the same way, but you can tell that she does. Well that, and the fact that pretty much every TV show follows the same plot which I think is a very good one. :) So the "moral" of this blog I would say is just another recommendation for a TV show on Netflix because that is where all the entertainment is!

I don't want to give anything away in this series but I have to tell you something in order for you to get your butt up and watch this! Most people probably won't really be able to relate to it, well no one I know of anyway because I do not know any Foster children! But, I know if I did they would probably be very interested in it!

It talks about family, friends, boyfriends, danger, consequences, sex, all of the things that in some weird twisted way seem to always grab people's attention. There is really never a dull moment in the Foster's house hold which always seems to be wanting us to see more and more. The best thing I like about watching this particular show on Netflix is that there are no commercials so I don't have to wait to see what is next, and I can just go on to the next episode and not sit around all week wondering what is going to happen.

If you ever have free time or are feeling sorry for yourself, The Foster's is a great way to go about your time and along the way you will stop feeling sorry for yourself, even though this is not based on a real life story, something along the lines like it is happening out there and you will come to see just how lucky you are to have a real home and true family and friends that love you and would do anything for you.

The Great Netflix

I know that some people have issues loading Netflix on their TV's at home like my friends Rylee and occasionally Jake, but for the most part it works very smooth and well. For me, I watch it on my NOOK which requires Wi-Fi and that always helps things go faster! I have not ever had an issue with it loading fast or pausing what-so-ever. I personally enjoy watching it my NOOK better because I feel like time goes faster and I can get through more episodes, whereas on my TV it goes a little slower because of router and connection issues.

I am not saying it doesn't have any glitches though because everything does! My friend Rylee's is probably the worst I have ever seen it be, and it may be because she doesn't get the best reception where she lives or it could be just an issue with the company itself but I wouldn't say they have bad quality. You can get it anywhere in the house if you want and you only have to pay one  9nine dollar fee per month allowing access to four different devices on your account!

From what I have heard about the whole music on Netflix, that quality is not as good as watching shows or movies on it. I mean, I have a phone that I can get music on so that isn't really a big deal for me but if you want something a little different then maybe look into it but know that it may not be exactly what you are looking for. I think that music on there is a good idea, but I also think that in the name of convenience Youtube or your phone are much simpler options.

So really, Netflix has it all, from movie classics to hit new series exclusively found on here, you cant go wrong with a visit to the good ol'Netflix.

'Netflix and Chill' What's The Hype?

       Nowadays all you see in referring to Netflix on social media is 'Netflix and chill', but really what is Netflix and chill?  Most people would define this phrase as a invitation to 'get some' but really can't we literally just Netflix and Chill. When the more derogatory meaning of the word is used, the kooky kids think it's an excuse to 'watch movies' and have the lights off, when in reality my friends and I, boys and girls take a more literal use of the phrase and watch Netflix while in fact chilling. I think me personally there isn't anything wrong with either version, but it has come to a point in which you cant even use the phrase in the literal sense because of how big the derogatory version has gotten via social media.
       Let's talk about what each of these meanings entail. 'Netflix and chill' the sexual invitation, involves two people going to 'watch' Netflix and 'hang out', but I think the only thing that will being watched or hanging out are...well, I leave your mind to figure out the rest. But in no way does it actually involve either of the associated parties watching Netflix and chilling, at all.
       On the other hand, the very literal sense of Netflix and chill are quite enjoyable as well. Netflix can be streaming and doing its thing while you can sit back and relax with friends or whomever and chill. This take on the phrase is less stress, and allows you to watch, even binge on some series or movies you've been dying to see, but sadly haven't had the time. Doesn't that sound nice?
       Now that you are fully informed and up to date on the latest social media catch phrases, don't you wish you could 'Netflix and chill', either literally or figuratively? I think although this phrase has gotten slightly out of hand with videos and snap chats no one ever wanted to see, it is amusing and still literally entertaining to a majority of the population. As much as I love to put in action this phrase, whichever version you choose is very time consuming. Quite frankly I would rather sleep, or nap, which is basically the same thing but like really I just don't like people, and have no time for their bullshit. So if you were presented the opportunity to 'Netflix and Chill', would you take it, or not?

Random Food for Thought

       Up to this point in my 17 years I've been told that doing the right thing will get you where you want. By not going out will get you somehow get you ahead, makes you a bigger even better person, as this concept is being shoved down my throat I, at my young age, can't help but wish that I wasn't so conformed to this ideal. You wonder what you're missing in the midst of your movie marathon meanwhile your peers are 'living it up', maybe not doing the best of all things, but maybe they're out on a late night Perkin's run without you, but by no means have they been grounded to such outdated logic. I sit and wonder all the things I miss, things I don't get to be exposed to, I've realized that while getting ahead seems easier, I'm not just missing some high school party or a hang out with friends. What I'm missing is exposure to laughter, and carelessness of reckless teens who learn their lesson the next morning or in twenty minutes as they lye on the bathroom floor throwing up for what seems like hours, I'm missing out on stories and memories. I often wonder what I'm missing, wishing that I could be able to make plans, or ask to join, but then I realize ima coward and cannot so lul. You miss socializing, you miss an opportunity to put yourself out there and meet new people, and love, you miss a chance to love and to learn what it is because it's different for everyone. Who says I don't know what it is because I'm only in high school and it's not going to matter, well you don't get to decide that I do, because I don't want to sit on the sides, I want to experience life, and learn new things, I want to love carelessly with new friends and old,& most importantly I want to be a person who makes their own decisions. I don't want to be someone who gets walked on by other people, and not that you have to party or drink/do drugs to have a back bone, I just want to be able to put myself out there without regretting it. I wish understanding yourself was easier, but it's not, but if the way I see it, if I know now what my weakness is, then there is only room to grow.